Ep3: Is Arthouse Improv Bad?

Shockingly, Linda puts forward a critique of arthouse improv shows! Also in this episode, an ill-thought-out defense of Timothee Chalamet by James PLUS a new segment where Linda and James play a justification game.

Have a question or Improv related topic you'd like us to discuss? Send a short email to LindaTellsJames@gmail.com

A new episodes every Tuesday! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome. Welcome. Hey everyone to Linda tells James he's wrong about improv. Yay.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

I'm looking forward to it. Being told that you're wrong. Yeah, being told I'm wrong. Thank you, my friend.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hi, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 0:21

I'm good. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I'm good. Did you have a good week?

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Yeah, yeah. A bit busy.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Because you do lots of things.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Yeah. Yeah. And then covering for people. So got a little gig.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Like criminals.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Well, you know, I mean, they're legitimate business people, but maybe some of their ventures might not be. Totally, you know.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Okay. No judge in case I need that. James will cover for you. Um and your week? Um, good. Um, yeah, you know, I'm a lady of leisure at the moment because I believe it's pronounced lesure. Lesure. Um, I'm that as well. It's good. Great. Reading? Playing with pets.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

What are you reading?

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Cooking, doing stuff like that. I'm reading uh a thing called books. Um uh a lot of people don't do that anymore. Yeah. Um I'm trying to um reinvigorate the habit. Bring a bit of yeah, that people know about books. Excuse me, I had a little frog in my throat and it's like a glass of water or um I will. I'll do I'll drink some water. Shh cover for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Okay. Uh uh, well, look at uh oh oh mmm oh doing a Jeff Jeff Gob.

SPEAKER_05 1:44

Doing Jeff Goblin.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Jeff, you know, like oh you're right.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Spot on okay, anyway, let's get on with it. Sorry about all that rambling. Um I know you're all busy people, yeah. Yeah, anyway, I have uh I have something for you, James.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Okay, so this um we'll just see where it goes. Um my statement to you, James, is that art house improv is bad improv. Arthouse improv.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Okay, okay, great, great. So let's let's start with definitions then. What is arthouse improv?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Do you so um can I also say that uh all of the statements that I make, folks, aren't necessarily what I believe. They're just to be provocative or or they're just to Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

It's not like you have this manifesto that you've posted up around Newtown, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yes, that's right, and other areas. Um so arthouse improv by that I mean um uh something that's perhaps stylistically heavier. And and usually just because that's the only thing I can think of, it's drawn from perhaps a theatrical style. So arthouse improv would be uh a play in the style a playing improv an improv show in the style of uh of um uh uh Brecht or um so you're saying there's there's there's shows out there of improv that aren't always funny? Well that's a that's a big thing to say. Well there there are the shows out there. I mean there's hu there's always humor in something, but they're not necessarily a laugh a minute comedy fest. Um yeah, absolutely. So there'll be something uh uh uh let's say I have maybe even um a serious sci-fi improv show done in the style of I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Star Trek or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

No, no, something more arty, let's say um you've done a 2001 a Space Odyssey or the improv show 2001. Oh, very cool. Um or um I'm so sorry, folks. I probably should have thought of better examples, but I can't at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

No, no. Um you must improvise.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

But something in a literary style, um, perhaps that isn't as co as common as um Jane Austen, something in a uh a farce, a French farce, um, or etc.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

So Well you have come to the right person.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I think oh, because you're the only person here apart from me.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

So um So there, our house improv is bad improv. Because it's arty. So the the the the premise of that is that it's it's arty and not everyone gets it. Yeah, and sometimes it's not funny.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

That's the subtext of that statement.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Yes, yes. Um You are right, because that's the name of the podcast. No, but um No, no, but you did you did come to the right person because many years ago we did a show called Ibsen Improvise, where we tried to tried to do like a 60-minute um dramatic, improvised uh kind of version of a Henrik Ibsen play. Um it's very broadly Ibsen. I mean, like it kind of really drew uh from a lot of that um uh you know early 1900s dramatic uh playing styles anyway, because we're using those archetypes and we and we did really try to to to you know aim it for that style. Um we kind of had uh costumes, um, a little bit of a set. Um we asked the audience, we kind of had like um a bunch of the different archetypes on cards, and we gave them to the audience, you know, pick at random and then assign uh which actor was gonna play that character. And I kind of played the I guess I was the the the anchor or through line for each time we did it. Well, we only performed it once, but obviously we practiced it a couple of times, but I was the butler. Oh, no, ah Nugget's opinion. Yeah, um the butler, he did it! Um but yeah, yeah. Um what yeah, what we found was people like uh people laughed not because it was comedic, but because it tickled their sensibilities and knowledge of what was expected within that style.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Okay, you know, so but surely it also they laughed because they of the behavior of those characters.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

A little bit. Like, yeah, we had um we we had um it probably wouldn't have been quite Ibsen, but we did have like a subtextual homosexual relationship. So that was that was that was I yeah, I mean that was that was humorous because because of I think the subtext, right? And kind of like the amount of tension that is kind of squashed onto that relationship.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Um and having to work within the limitations of having that relationship in that in that world in that period, yeah. Also that style of play.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

Yes, absolutely. Um, but and then also I guess it's just we we played it very um open in the way that I mean you you could you obviously have to with improv in terms of at the beginning the audience get introduced to the actors by name, right? And we kind of write up the people's names, and then we put like the character name they're playing and the archetype. So in that way, it's all very transparent. And the actors who aren't in that scene, because it's kind of a house, we kind of like put tape down on the floor to be the house, right? It's literally transparent, you can see through the walls, and they would go offstage and you can clearly see the clothing racks, right? And I think because of that knowledge that we are just making it up on the fly, I think that's when the surprise hits the you know, because I would say that you know comedy is a clash of um expectations, so often expectations not being met or met in a in a different way. So when they're expecting you know, these improvisers who don't have a script, who don't have uh they've got kind of overarching goals for their archetype, but when they see them do things that are like, oh my gosh, that's straight out of you know an Ibsen play, or that's exactly what that you know grumpy old grammar would do.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So um so my question then is it sounds like you had an audience who actually knows the work, the plays of Ibsen.

SPEAKER_03 8:38

Yeah, true. I mean, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Right?

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Vast majority would not.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Pretty confident.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Um and therefore your play was your show was bad. Okay, so I think it makes a huge difference if you if you're playing to an audience who's who reck who knows that style. Yes. I don't think it's essential because I s I think I hopefully uh I I if if if it was something I was directing, I would hope I would hope for an audience who even wasn't in interested uh familiar with that style, would at least get something from the show and they'd be interested in the characters and the relationships.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

I mean they get something, but it's almost like watching it's not just like watching a play in a foreign language, it's without subtitles. It's like watching a comedy in another language. And then you I don't it's very hard. I mean, I don't know, I haven't done that actually. I've watched I've watched a um like a performance in Farsi. There was a comedy and they and there were no surtitles, and there were tiny things I could pick up on, but for the majority of it, I didn't because it's also about the culture itself, every culture has its own different understanding of comedy because it's got its own different understanding of reality to bounce off of. So I think if you don't have that stylistic anchor, you can't appreciate how well that that uh performance was, right? I mean, if you don't know what your essentially your criteria is.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Right. But you can appreciate uh because you're not measuring it against um the the tropes and the Well you need to, right?

SPEAKER_03 10:25

In a stylized improv.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

To appreciate that it is an improv show done in that style. But if you're not familiar with that style and those tropes I'm and then this is where it becomes tricky because you still then want to aim you st I I would still hopefully want the audience to who's not familiar with the style to kind of go, oh, that was a bit tricky that was weird, but I I really like the way that guy did this and that. You I'm hoping that you you I've set up the world of this style enough for someone to know that okay, it's um uh uh it's a it's uh emotionally repressed society, or or um uh you know, there are there are social rules that need to be followed and one can't break them, and I've created that sort of understanding. So that so at least it's a wall that they can enter to. The uh the joy of seeing Jane Austen is that people go in there expecting what they understand Jane Austen um uh to be.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

But then uh it kind of almost comes back to our previous question was do we do we cater to our audience, you know, or should we build it in such a way that we only ever have the people who are gonna who want to be there? Should we cater to people who don't want to don't want to be there, you know?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Right, okay, because I gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

That's kind of part of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:59

And to be really contemporary, because this is the 11th, 11th of March, as a as of this recording, and we are now post uh Timothy, Timothy Chalamet. Um, and in a world of post-Timothe Chalome, the arts that are not, you know, um well attended, or you know, those that are kind of very too niche and must be supported by you know grants and donations and whatnot, really. I mean, what's the point of those? Being facetious. I mean, I don't go to opera, so why should anybody else? And why should we support it? Why go into that? I'm a little bit of a I see it as connected, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:45

I don't yeah, I don't play golf, so why should that exist?

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, but see, golf sucks. I mean, like, they're taking up giant like swathes of land for just like you know, just to knock a ball around is like go to a drug of driver. Anyway, let's get back to the topic, which was why yeah, stylize stylistic arthouse improv. Okay, those people are so obnoxious.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

How did your Ibsen show go? It went well. Did people like it? Love it, hate it.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

I I think people really liked it. Yeah, yeah. People seem to be really interested in it. Um, the people in the audience weren't just your friends. No. Okay. Like it was pretty, it was pretty much like whatever, 50, 60 people all friends. Yes, that's true. Um, but yeah, there was there was a good buzz.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Um Are you glad you did it?

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Yeah, I'm very glad I did it. Because we I mean, like, we have been asked to do it again. Right. Like, I mean, as as old as it was, this is back ages ago. This is like, I don't know, over 10 years ago. But like people have talked about it, like, and they're like, hey, you know, are you ever gonna do that again? I'm like, yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Um well, I as your friend, I think you should but but that's also because this is my bag, right? Um, so um it's interesting because I uh you know the truth comes out now. Okay, um, like I've said, um Arthouse Improv in a way is my bag, and I and I think a lot of that is because the way I got into performance was through theatre and and um you know and I love it. Um and also as an improviser, as a performer, I I like the challenge of it, and I like the um being immersed not just in the character's world, but in the world of that specific style of play. Um now I guess saying it's bad is is tricky because what defines something being bad? And I guess really we uh often in improv we define something that isn't well attended or doesn't um um uh meet the comedy criteria that we have uh imposed upon it, um, which in of itself isn't necessarily you know a good strategy. Um uh you know, then we would go, oh, that was serious, Stringberg, who cares? That was no laughs there. I haven't that was boring and slow. It was slow and no one talked about their emotions, yeah, you know, but that's part of the style. Um uh but again, if you're an everyday audience member, you wouldn't necessarily know that, so you would walk away and think, and that was a piece of poop. Yeah. Um and you wouldn't say poop. Yeah, right? Um, but I think there's a place for that's that type of play. Um and and uh admittedly the the place for it, because also you want your show to be successful and to at least you know have some bums on seats, um, is often at a festival. Yeah it's a festival show and not even strictly an improv festival. You might even have it just as a a fringe festival or or somewhere where you can do something experimental, because those are the that's the environment for experimentalism. And for an audience who's experimentalization, experimenting, there we go. That's good.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Um yeah, but it's because also you've got a great audience for that. Because I think when you go to receptive, when you go to a festival like that, yeah, exactly. It's like, oh great, this uh because the the risk the risk is much lowered, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:32

It's like but again, they're all they're often people who have an understanding of the arts.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

True.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

If if and if it's an improv festival, the other actually the majority of them are going to be other improvisers.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Right?

SPEAKER_00 16:43

So you create that kind of work because it interests you, it's challenging, um, and you're going to perform in front of an audience that that perhaps are open to some that kind of challenge. But if you what happens is if you then try and sell tickets to your festival to shows to the public, what do you do then?

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, inevitably, I mean, I think if you're gonna go for a larger audience, you are gonna have to, if that's your goal, right, then you're gonna have to make it appeal to a larger audience. So it can't be as strictly niche or you know, stylistic. But then you're also um watering down your dream.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

But what you ideally do is you you you cast the little arty shows and then you can cast a shit ton of theatre sports shows or whatever. You you hopefully pay get your money made back on those shows. That's really seriously. Yeah. You get your money made back on those shows.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

No, no, no. I mean, you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

And your festival will hopefully then survive that that year. Yeah that's that's what you want. But you want to have space for things that are challenging and things that are easily accessible. But okay, why?

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Why do we want things that are challenging? Why can't we just give the audience what they want?

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Because um I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to advance the art form of improv.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

But but is it advancing it or is it just diddling around?

SPEAKER_00 18:15

It's an experiment.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

Do we have time for that? In a world of opera and ballet dying, do we have time for experimental improv? I say no. I say no.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Um I look a lot of yeah, I've heard this argument a lot, and and um that it's all yeah, that it's like who what for? Why do we need to advance it? And I and I guess my approach to improv is that it's like any art, and let's say let's talk about it like it's music.

SPEAKER_03 18:43

It's or opera or ballet that are dying.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Um okay, firstly, I'm gonna put a big question mark around whether they're dying.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

There's this guy, very good, Academy Award nominated.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Anyway, um uh what defines the death of an art form?

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Yeah, right. I mean, like people have I mean there's that common thing of theatre's been dying for the past thousand years.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

But anyway, let's not go down there. Because I'm just gonna end up depressed and weeping, hopefully.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

But I mean it's a good question about value, right? I mean, because consider Yeah, that's actually what it's all about. It's questioning the value.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

And um uh what was the question?

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Well, I mean, I guess like well, obviously Timothy Charlemagne Look, I mean, I I do have to Oh, yes, I remember now before you go down the Timothy path.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Um uh sh is there is there value in advancing? Should we be advancing improv as an art form?

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Um at the cost of the cost of what it is, which is like empty, yeah, empty empty uh auditoriums and um it depends why you do it, it depends why your improv company does it, it depends um but in in simple terms, um do whatever the fuck you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah. And if it happens to be an improvised uh Ibsen or Chekhov, or not even Chekhov. I almost feel like Chekhov is is more you know general, yeah, not general, but but but common. Yeah, I mean that's kind of what we do with the Ibsen as well. We kind of swudged it and we're just like, yeah. We're gonna do an improvised wreck. Yeah. Um you do it because you want to do it. Yeah. And and I think also as improvisers, dare I say that we're kind of used to breaking even if we're lucky financially on a show.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

I mean, especially in Sydney, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

You know, so which is you know, a blessing and a curse. The blessing being that then it frees us to to to not be confined by what's the thing that's gonna make us money. Um but a curse, of course, because then we never pay our rent.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Yeah, well, but but it also gets it doesn't get wider recognition. It doesn't. Right. Because in right today's society, we're just like, oh, the only thing that that's valuable is it's what makes money, right? So I think that's why I want to kind of do want to come back to Dimite, is that um I don't know the whole side of his story because his he was surrounded by Ballet.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

This has been an ongoing, by the way, this has been an argument for you know decades.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

No, yeah, for sure. But he himself has been surrounded by ballet all his life, you know, his mother, his sister. I don't necessarily think it's I'm interested, I don't think it's necessarily him disrespecting that art form. I think he's kind of saying, I mean, I don't know, I didn't really listen to the to his his whole thing. What I'm curious about is in terms of the value we place on things, if it's if we can move away from things only having value for monetary reasons, financial. Financial reasons and move away to, yeah, I think expression, experimentation, things like that. Also, for me, I know personally as an artist, I suffer from the whole um, you know, uh idea that the art world and audiences are kind of a zero-sum game where it's there's a limited amount of audience, it's a limited amount of space, there's a limited amount of shows one can do. So if somebody else takes it and they're doing um, you know, an improvised um play of Aristophanes and with with one person, you know, and no set and whatever, and they're gonna be covered in jello. I'm just like, okay, cool, but who else could have used that time, space, energy, money, resources? So But that's that's that's a fallacy in thinking, is it's not it's not a zero-sum world. And I think that's also problematic, is that I mean, uh yeah, that's when we think of the world that way, is in oh, that person is taking my resources or the resources that could be available to me, then we have problems. And I know as an artist, it's so tempting to think of like that. And I do sometimes, I try not to, but um yeah. But I think that's also something that I need to think about and re release because then you'd have room, I would in my brain, you know, have be like, oh yeah, yeah, let's experiment, let's try things. We don't have to aim for um art yeah, if you aim, if you want to try and use art as a vehicle for finances, you're gonna end up with very you're gonna have to go mass market, which means you're gonna have to water it down, right? And I don't think that's got a great area for expression. Like self-expression.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Yeah. Uh I'm gonna I'm gonna yeah, I think it can um I don't think you have to comp I don't have to you don't have to be a complete sell out. Um if you go down that path. But this is this is like such a huge stop. You started it. I know, I know, I know. I kind of I knew when I entered when I made that statement that it was not gonna be, it was gonna be quite broad and it wasn't gonna be I remember remember last time we said only very simple statements from now on. Yeah, improvisers should never wear black on stage.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Um but it's good. I I kind of I uh folks, if I like I don't expect us to this is this is part, this is us throwing um uh discussions at you for you to go off and talk to your friends and other people about. Um this is not us. We don't agree, it's not really about us giving you answers for it. And and because ultimately I don't think there is any um answer. There's no right or wrong, there just is what works for you and what and what works at this point in like improvised improv itself. It's like what works at this point in time with these people in this space, in this room, in this um creative environment. It just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

It it also reminds me, just Joe, just to put in one more point or idea. Um there was this wonderful writer, she wrote this article. Basically, the the sum of it was um because the question was kind of well, why how come today in today's day and age, a lot of these um critics' opinions are very, very different from the audience's opinions or different from the popularity at, say, the box office, if it was a film. And she wrote that if there is a purpose to criticism, it has to be different from financial success. Because we already know what financial success is, because we could just look at the tickets. Therefore, the role of the critic, if it's is to be anything, should be uh agnostic of that finances, right? And it just maybe I remember that just because when we were you're talking about this uh kind of via indie art house to experiment and push the form of improv, is that there are values other than just finances. Is that if we I wish we could measure those, but we can't because they're just not as easy to digest, maybe because they're just not numbers. But just because something isn't uh making money does not automatically make it a failure or not good or or not uh beneficial. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Yeah, think of arthouse films.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So but yeah, my two cents.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Oh, do you have two cents?

SPEAKER_03 26:35

No, no, we don't make that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Did you make that last improv show?

SPEAKER_03 26:40

I wish. Oh man, two cents. Oh most successful improv show.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yeah, I think it's not a yeah, it isn't a big deal for us, folks. I'm I'm never making fun of you know financially.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Well, we do, yeah. I mean, that's kind of but like you were saying, it's it's it is a blessing in a way, because we have to do it out of the love of the game.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Yeah, it's just it's the sadness is that um you're then constantly fighting to get people to come and see you. Like have we talked enough about that topic?

SPEAKER_03 27:10

No.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Yeah, for now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Do you have any last things you want to add? Nah, I already did that. You didn't, did you? Yeah, yeah. The two cents bit. Oh, right, you're right. Yeah. Two cents comment was value for money.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

All right, welcome to uh game time. I'm gonna game time.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Is this a new segment?

SPEAKER_03 27:33

It is a new segment.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah. Do we need a theme for it?

SPEAKER_03 27:36

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

Game time. I don't know why that sounded like a 1970s porno. That's just the first thing. Why is that the first thing that came out of my mouth?

SPEAKER_03 27:47

It is ding dong. Hey, I have a game for you. Um, this is this is a game, I'm sure uh it's very simple because I'm and I'm sure that other it's already existed, but but uh I call it um uh justification talk show.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

So basically, you're you're the guest on a talk show, I'm the host. And the idea is I give you some sort of really random but plausible job. You can do whatever character you wish in association with that, and I interview you like you're on a talk show, but try, I'm gonna try and pick at the reality of what you do, and just try and you know, get you to have to justify all these little bits of whatever the strange job is.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

So uh the the job. Um this could be great, this could be awful, folks.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Let's just go with it.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

Your job is to inspect uh the tops of uh peanut butter and peanut butter jars to make sure it's smooth and has that little swirly bit.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Swirly bit in the middle, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:03

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Hey everyone, welcome to James's talk show. Uh I'm here with this wonderful person. Um thanks, James. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um uh uh and what was what's what's your name there?

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Uh it's Clarice.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Uh Clarice. And now you have a very interesting job, is that correct?

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Yes, I do. I do, James. Well, I think it's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Oh, well then please, please tell us all about it.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

I'm a swirl inspector.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

You're a swirl inspector, right? Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Swirl inspector?

SPEAKER_03 29:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Uh yeah, I uh uh I ex make sure that the swirls that you get on the top of your um uh peanut butter and uh other spreads is sufficiently uh round and swirly and enticing.

SPEAKER_03 29:49

Right, right. Is that a is that a thing that customers really want?

SPEAKER_00 29:53

I think so, James. Uh I think so.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

And what are you what are you looking for as an inspector?

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Oh gosh, oh I'm so glad you asked me that. Um you know, it's it sounds like it's a simple thing, but it does sound very simple. Well it's not. It's not James. Okay. Um there's uh a a basic criteria, which is uh you need to before you reach the swirl, um, you have to make sure there's at least 50 centimetres of flat surface at the top of the uh of the uh spread, uh four-mention spreads. Wait, wait, wait. So I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

I'm so sorry, Clarice.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

50 centimeters above the too technical. No, no, it's the from the the the the diameter of of the top of the jar. So you're looking down, uh I'll dump it down for you, James.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

Clarice, I I'm experiencing a bit I can I understand what diameters and centimeters are.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Okay, you just look confused. Yeah, well I yeah I understand. I could draw it. Do you want me to draw you a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Oh please, no, please go ahead, Clarice.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Anyway, so the here you got the rat you're looking down on the top, like you've unscrewed the lid of let's say peanut butter, because that's a good one. Yeah. Um smooth, preferably. Like uh crunchy usually has a couple of uh harder bits that don't smooth off. But anyway, we'll we'll we'll dress that in a moment if you if you want to, I'll meet your show. Uh anyway, so smooth peanut butter, you look at you're looking at it from the top down, and you've got you've got from the edge at the rim of the jar, you've got you want smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth for approximately well appropri approximately, I mean I I actually I think you know five centimeters excessive, but maybe two or three. So smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, and then you hit, you should hit a risen mound, right? Which isn't just you know a mound, it's it's part of a swirl which is placed directly in the center.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Now do you swirl it or does does the does the machine I swirl everything personally? You you swirl every jar. That's a lot of jars.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Well, I'm you know tired. Um I can tell. So uh uh I mean no, it's not just me. There I have a staff. I have a fantastic staff.

SPEAKER_03 32:09

Oh, I see, I see. How big is your staff?

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Um five, six, most of them. Some of them are a little bit shorter, but um that's very funny, Clarice.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

I mean, like, but I mean, and and do they they've worked under you for like how long? Have you worked? Oh gosh, I've been doing this for 30 years. Oh, oh wow. This was peanut butter different 30 years ago? Has it been a difference?

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Uh the consistency of it is uh is uh it's different. It's very much uh it's it's smoother nowadays, it's a little bit more uh malleable. Uh do you know why that is? Oh yeah, because there is um um a percent a high percentage of uh vegetable oil being added to I'm so glad you asked me this because I'm sure this is fascinating for people to that's what this radio show is all about. Makes it a little bit more viscous. Oh, I should say. And therefore, when I do stick my finger in and make the swirl.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

You you stick your finger in to make the swirl.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

Some old-fashioned. Oh yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Is there a do you wear a glove or you must wear a swirl?

SPEAKER_00 33:11

I do wear a glove because hygiene is important.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

Um, and uh yeah, each one is uh well with this pinky this this sorry pointer finger here that you see before you use.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

I do see it.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Is the one I use, the very one I use.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Um now after 30 years, how many maybe I've got to go to the eye?

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Oh, you can see, yeah. Well, even with the gloves on, you can see my fingerprints have been smoothed off.

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

Um like to keep the nails short, otherwise they interfere with the uh the uh you know the swirl.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

The the swirl. Is that the technical term for the Oh yeah?

SPEAKER_00 33:44

We like to well, yes. I've answered that, yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

All right, well, thank you, Clarice. You're slightly defensive, but um no, that was wonderful to let us know all about swirling um the tops of uh peanut butters. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

I've got uh some photos on my phone.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

Do we see some of my um we're gonna keep on clicking? No, no, I think we're good.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

And I've got an Instagram page if anyone wants to go to it.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

No, you don't have to worry about that. Well, thank you, Clarice. We'll put all your details on a page somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Swirl.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

All right. Thank everyone. Uh see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

We do um we do cheese, cream cheese as well, just in case you wanted to ask me about. We haven't even gone into jams. We'll leave it there. We'll see if that if that if if that if that makes it in. If that makes it in. Or if it's a continuous noodler segment to our show. Yeah. Um I should I have I can now say to people, tell people, let's say, I can now let people know that we have an email address. We do. And we would love you to send in, I don't know, things that you would like us to discuss. So you can frame it as a question or a statement or anything that you you know, you're a you you think, um dear Linda and James, I think that improvisers should not play animals on stage.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Discuss.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Um, and you know, we'll we'll attack it. Yeah. Um in a loving, kind way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

Or we'll support it in a vicious, violent way.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Yes. Yes. Um anyway, folks. So feel free to write to us at uh lynda tellsjames at gmail.com. That email address again. Lindatellsjames at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

Awesome. Well, thank you for so much for everyone. Thank you so much, everyone, for thank you for listening. Thank you. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

Words hard. Put together sentence making. Um thanks, James. Thanks, Linda. It's always great.

SPEAKER_05 35:43

I love you. Love you too.